Watching the world pass by from the sidelines

have you ever had the experience of watching all of your friends changing around you and becoming people you knew instead of people you know. that's whats going on right now and i hate it. no one is the same as they used to be and none of them realize it. i have tried to talk to them i have tried to show them, but no one gets it. no one. i don't understand how they can let 2 people run there lives. and how those 2 people have total and complete control over everything and anything that they do. they dont act the same way that they used to, we dont go out and do things like we used to, as a matter of fact we dont do anything anymore. maybe its me. maybe im doing something wrong and maybe im the one whos changed but i dont feel like thats the case. i feel like i have stayed the same person and i cant do anything to change. i cant do anything to become a new person like everyone else has. for some reason i dont have the ability to let one person who i cant stand run my life and let my self be minuplated by her. i cant do it and i wont do it. because i am my own person and i will not let her run my life and dictate what i do and dont do because i am not that person and i will never be that person. it sucks to see all of my friends change into people who i dont even know anymore. they used to be people that i could go and talk to about anything and that i used to be able to confide in, now im not comfortable around them. they make everything awkward and i just want to go run away and hide. i cant take it anymore its so bad. i just wish that my old friends would return to the way they were and that everything would be alright. but i know it never will. he will never treat me the way he used to, he will never look at me the way he used to, or hold me the way he used to. i will never be able to talk a friend the same way either. we used to talk about everything i used to give him advice and he used to do the same for me. he used to tell me everythings going to be alright and that everythings going to get better even though it never did. it never got better and it was never alright and in the end i just got more hurt then i needed to get.
sometimes i wish i could erase things in my life but stay in the same time that im in right now. because there are some good things going on right now but at the same time they kinda stink because i could be crushing someones heart and im not about that. i dont want to hurt other people so that i can be happy. i would rather be miserable all the time like i am right now then hurt someone i dont even really know and i hate the fact that i do that. that i dont even know this girl but knowing that i am going to hurt her or that i am hurting her in the process of trying to get to know someone isnt making anything any easier for me right now. i just wish you could erase people in life as well. because if i could i know about a dozen people who wouldnt exsist right now, that way no one would get hurt. but thats never going to happen. in order for me to be happy with the one guy that i actually connect with and i have noticed in the few times that we have hungout that we really do connect and that i do really like him because he is a person i can talk to about funny things or sad things or random things and he doesnt think im weird or at least i dont think that he thinks im weird. but who knows he could just be being nice to me because thats the kind of guy that he is. he talks to pretty much anyone who will talk to him and he is always nice about talking to them. he will crack jokes if your upset, he can always make me laugh wether it is dancing like a fool or telling me a joke or just talking to me makes me smile. when im with him i forget everything thats going on. i forget that most of my "friends" are total and complete ass holes and that everyones changing right in front of my face and that i cant do anything to stop it. but he makes me forget all that crap and makes me laugh which has really come in handy lately and is actually really nice. but i dont think anything will actually happen because i dont want to hurt people. i cant. ive gotten hurt so many times from people doing the same thing to me that i would be doing to her if i go after him.
i just dont know what to do anymore and i wish i could stop everything thats happening and go back to a time where i could have the chance to fix it before it got this bad